The Legend of King Kronos.
It was clear that Kronos, even from birth,
Was different from others here on this earth.
Twas born with a fully formed adult human head,
Complete with facial hair and an a gift for embeds.
While most kids would dream about fortune and bling,
Young Kronos would settle for no less than King.
Becoming a King was no small undertaking,
While other kids frolicked out under the sun.
Just to be clear, without any mistaking,
This task would be tough for the chosen one.
Now Kings of this time were largely antiquated,
Impotent relics of empires before,
But the brand of King Kronos was by destiny fated,
Was written in tomes of Arthurian lore.
Marry a princess? Conquer a kingdom?
Options that Kronos felt way too untowared.
How did King Arthur become so damned kingsome?
Oh yeah, he would need a big magical sword.
So he sought out a Lady who lived in a lake,
Who possessed a sword of magic rare,
But whenever he tried to schedule a date,
She told him she'd been planning to wash her hair.
It vexed him greatly, that a lady so fair
Who lived deep within a watery trough,
Would constantly need to wash her hair.
'Hey dickhead! I think she's just blowing you off.'
Ego bruised and left in the lurch,
Kronos needed another sword fast.
So he took to his feet and went out in search,
Of the infamous 'Sword In Blankfist's Ass'.
Blankfist was handsome, his frame manly and thick,
He kind of resembled a young Ewe Bol.
But tho Kronos did pull with all of his might,
Alas, Blankfist's small sphincter was just way too damned tight.
Kronos shouted to the heavans, "Why was I born,
I will never be King, from my fate I've been parted"
So he retreated to alcohol and internet porn,
slumped on his couch where he often farted.
But 'twas there on the nets he discovered some-thing,
A site run by Dag called the 'VideoSift'
On this site it was possible to become a King,
Provided you post enough video clips.
So post them he did, all night and day.
(Except for that month when there was a rift.)
Now his destiny fulfilled, I am proud to proclaim,
Kronos: King of VideoSift!
____________________________________________________________
Kronos Gallery
____________________________________________________________
From Blankfist:
Kronos Strolling
From dft:
Kronos Demon Spawn
From marinegunrock:
Beergut
From thegrimsleeper:
Cute Couple
From Sarzy:
Classy King.
From Thinker247:
Glory Hole
From Dag:
Won't you join me in my quest?
From rasch187:
kp loves fish
From Eklek:
A man of many members
From Zonbie:
King KP
Was different from others here on this earth.
Twas born with a fully formed adult human head,
Complete with facial hair and an a gift for embeds.
While most kids would dream about fortune and bling,
Young Kronos would settle for no less than King.
Becoming a King was no small undertaking,
While other kids frolicked out under the sun.
Just to be clear, without any mistaking,
This task would be tough for the chosen one.
Now Kings of this time were largely antiquated,
Impotent relics of empires before,
But the brand of King Kronos was by destiny fated,
Was written in tomes of Arthurian lore.
Marry a princess? Conquer a kingdom?
Options that Kronos felt way too untowared.
How did King Arthur become so damned kingsome?
Oh yeah, he would need a big magical sword.
So he sought out a Lady who lived in a lake,
Who possessed a sword of magic rare,
But whenever he tried to schedule a date,
She told him she'd been planning to wash her hair.
It vexed him greatly, that a lady so fair
Who lived deep within a watery trough,
Would constantly need to wash her hair.
'Hey dickhead! I think she's just blowing you off.'
Ego bruised and left in the lurch,
Kronos needed another sword fast.
So he took to his feet and went out in search,
Of the infamous 'Sword In Blankfist's Ass'.
Blankfist was handsome, his frame manly and thick,
He kind of resembled a young Ewe Bol.
But tho Kronos did pull with all of his might,
Alas, Blankfist's small sphincter was just way too damned tight.
Kronos shouted to the heavans, "Why was I born,
I will never be King, from my fate I've been parted"
So he retreated to alcohol and internet porn,
slumped on his couch where he often farted.
But 'twas there on the nets he discovered some-thing,
A site run by Dag called the 'VideoSift'
On this site it was possible to become a King,
Provided you post enough video clips.
So post them he did, all night and day.
(Except for that month when there was a rift.)
Now his destiny fulfilled, I am proud to proclaim,
Kronos: King of VideoSift!
____________________________________________________________
Kronos Gallery
____________________________________________________________
From Blankfist:
Kronos Strolling
From dft:
Kronos Demon Spawn
From marinegunrock:
Beergut
From thegrimsleeper:
Cute Couple
From Sarzy:
Classy King.
From Thinker247:
Glory Hole
From Dag:
Won't you join me in my quest?
From rasch187:
kp loves fish
From Eklek:
A man of many members
From Zonbie:
King KP
55 Comments
dystopianfuturetodayCongrats kp! If anyone would like to create a photoshop tribute to kp, post the link and I'll put it up.
siftbotStickying this post at the top of Sift Talk - sticky requested by dystopianfuturetoday.
blankfistCongrats, you big hairy bastard. I hope you wiped that sword off before using it!
blankfistHere comes KP! Make way!!!!You look good in your undies just walking down the street, no cares, no shame... good times! That package seems to be not without its noticeable girth, might I add?
laura*quality
such a good king, he even looks out for the little people.
(Like "p"s, newbs, not midgets silly...)
siftbotAwarding dystopianfuturetoday with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by laura.
lauraI still miss the balloon sculpture jesus avatar....
videosiftbannedmeWow, congratulations, KP! Does this mean you get the key to the Executive washroom now?
I need to get one of those bronze crowns; the paper one I got from Burger King just isn't cutting it.
Congrats and here's to your next 1000!
CrosswordsCongratulations on the crown, you've been a true pillar of the sift and a model for what every member should aspire to. Not only are you a tireless poster, but a prolific commenter, and dauntless in the task watching and voting for other people's videos. Not to mention your selfless and frequent use of the promote.
*Looks off camera to masked gunman* Is..is that all? oh,um...
LONG LIVE KING KRONO AND DEATH TO UMERICA
NetRunnerDoes this mean Farhad2000 has been deposed?
The King is dead, long live the King!
Also notable, he's the youngest titan who cut off his father's genitals with a scythe, and the god of the ocean!
Quite the resume for a commander-in-sift!
MarineGunrockAll hail our beer-gutted King!
NordlichReiter
blankfist"While most kids would dream about fortune and bling,
Young Kronos would settle for no less than King. "
and some cookies.
FjnbkCongratulations. Someone needs to start a sock puppet called "Zeus." Should provide for interesting drama.
thegrimsleeper>> ^NetRunner:
Does this mean Farhad2000 has been deposed?
The King is dead, long live the King!
No, no. They're a couple now.
Congratulations, Mister Kronosposeidon.
kronosposeidonOh. My. God.
This is too weird.
I was JUST photoshopping myself tonight too!
Thanks, DFT, for a GREAT post. And thanks to all of my friends here for making this such a special place. You're the reason why I'm still here. Apparently you haven't tired of my of all my 2 Girls 1 Cup jokes, and that means a lot to me. You're all aces. I kiss you!
And a special shout out to my bro blankfist, who took this opportunity to shamelessly pimp one of his videos. Do you smack your videos around when they don't get enough votes? Just wonderin'.
blankfistCan you upvote this one, too?
12805Look at me! I can put a Titan name together with an Olympian God name. I must be way smart. If I was to make a channel, it would probably be about books or something super cool like that.
gwiz665But, but, now we have two kings! This monarchy just became a duarchy. Congratulations, KP, gods know you deserve it!
And very nice poetry and assorted illustrations, dft! Top notch.
nibiyabi>> ^blankfist:
Can you upvote this one, too?
Holy fuck.
And congrats, KP.
dotdudeSo does this mean you're going to start using "the royal we?" . . . or maybe "the royal Wii" . . . oh I better quit before I go on some "wee" tangent . . .
A toast to the . . . second king of VideoSift!
ZifnabI bow before your majesty. Your commenting prowess is second to none (though close to choggie's). Congrats to the new king of the sift, may your reign be filled with upvotes and promotes.
P.S. Only another 12,000 or so votes for dark lord status
mas8705Well I have been scarred for life from some of the images shown here... (even my spelling and grammar is suffering a bit tonight)... congrats on hitting 1000...
*sits in corner while trying to get the images of Kronos out of his head...*
SarzyAll hail King Kronos, the classy king of Videosift!
kronosposeidon^FAKE! Everyone knows I shave down there!
LadyDeathCongrats Mr KP,This is Great
I always love all the videos you post 
yay for you and DFT ha ha I love the photos great job I can't stop laughing 
rottenseedI wish you hadn't come back after you quit the first time...or the second time...or the third...
...fuck, you can't do anything right except for slack off.
Congrats though buddy.
thinker247I would humbly bow before the King, but I don't want to know what you'd try to put in my mouth, so I'll just say congratulations, and thanks for all the fish.
Also, fantastic job done by DFT on the poetry. I have a sense it was made in advance, much like obituaries. Do you also have one that says, "We come here today to mourn the loss of KP when he had 999 star points."?
Oh, and KP...YOU'RE WELCOME!
dystopianfuturetoday^Actually, blanky and I had something bigger planned, but we ended up not having enough time because frickin' kp gets 40-50 stars per day. So last night I had to learn how to use photoshop and throw this together.
maatcI think this qualifies as *cult now! Congrats kp!
siftbotPost is already assigned to books talk - ignoring all requests by maatc.
rasch187Congrats, Kronos! I just wish I knew how to use Photoshop, then you would get one more funny and/or disgusting picture on your wall
Keep up the good work KP, you're a pile of sift!
EDIT: I learned to use photoshop: KP loves fish!
IssykittyKronos!!!!!! YAY for the thousand-star crowned KING! MeeeROW!!!
kulpimsmonarchy sure has come a long way. in the past the kings of England were thought to be able to cure a number of terrible diseases by touch and today, via the power of internet, the sight of kp's photoshopped head on a diaper-wearing weirdo's body instantly cured my poker night hangover. cheers, king KP!
dystopianfuturetoday^It reminds me of a Gammorean Guard from RofJ.
kulpims^yes. they're both very emotional
menpeoplebeings
Laekrothlol @ the pictures! Gratz Krono
dagComment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)
Now that you have gained your crown - I can reveal my true purpose for you. Won't you join me in my quest?
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3273/2802902868_b6bb7f706e.jpg?v=0
(PS you're a pillar of Sift)
ZonbieFirst Farhad, now KP - Wow two kings of sift
We cannot have TWO kings, that means only one thing...FIGHT!!
Hope you stay - that way lucky nand dag will have to think of some for 2000 
I bow to no one!
Congrats mister KP, you've been running up the quality posts since before I joined (I used to lurk here a lot!)
I've always enjoyed your funny and intelligent posts, keep them coming!
*scribbles away in photoshop*
Zonbie*arse
siftbotPost is already assigned to books talk - ignoring all requests by Zonbie.
dystopianfuturetoday^Slap fight!
http://www.videosift.com/video/Sissy-Boy-Slap-Party
lucky760Wow, another crown prince?! Ridiculous effort was surely put in to ascend to the throne room.
Congrats!
EklekGreat VideoSiftic moment, great post:)
KP's omnivorous, eating both obscure and mainstream
and often participates during debates/discussions on the Forum VideoSiftum
Here's to Kronosposeidon, a man of many members, cheers:)
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/5074/kronosposeidonze7.jpg
mintbbbWoot, congrats!! =)
blankfistI'm sure Kubrick would be proud to have his face placed over Brittney Spears' private area and between the glow of the florescent "Glory Hole" sign*.
*Wasn't that the gay bar at the beginning of Gasper Noe's movie Irreversible? Anyone cinemaphiles in here willing and able to answer that one?
Eklek^not sure if that particular neon sign was visible in "Club Rectum"
http://www.videosift.com/video/Irreversible-Explicit-Murder-VERY-NSFW
http://www.videosift.com/video/Irrversible-Making-of-Special-effects
blankfist^Right! It was called Club Rectum! Thanks for that. What an awesome flick. I went to a Q&A screening of Irreversible when it came out, and Noe was explaining how he did that that fire extinguisher scene. What I think is great is that they kill the wrong guy in the club.
kronosposeidonWhy do I appear in so many of your homo-erotic fantasies? And how many restraining orders is the judge willing to grant me?
ZonbieHail to the King!
kronosposeidon^As my official photographer, I demand to know why you didn't make my camel-toe bigger.
dystopianfuturetoday*unsticky
siftbotUnstickying this post from the top of Sift Talk - unsticky requested by dystopianfuturetoday.
fireflyDamn, what an ugly baby!
congrats, KP
choggieFarhad-intelligent, thoughtful diligence combined with diverse knowledge of the the world he is most passionate about, the world of music, and the world at large, with a view to uplift and consciousness-raising, earned his crown with panache and moxie.....
Farhads' the King. Elvis is dead.
Discuss...
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